A bunch of crows all together is called a “murder” of crows and that’s no accident. Crows are smart. And mean. And also “synanthropic” which means they’ve learned to thrive alongside humans in human environments. These are just some of the reasons they are the official Bird of The Apocalypse.
They’re everywhere now. You can see them playing chess in the park. Or driving stolen cars down the fairway. Of particular note is that, much like mammals, the modern crow has developed a taste for alcohol. And man does a murder of crows get rowdy after a few. First off, they steal it. Which is rude. But then the crime begins. There is something comical, almost comforting, about seeing a monkey steal a vacationer’s unattended mai tai while they sunbathe—even when they work in teams, one to distract the drinker and another to pilfer the beverage, we feel a degree of recognition and respect for these small, ugly alcoholics. They’re us. In miniature and with the volume turned down. But when a mass of drunken crows coordinate a complicated heist that involves continually “buzzing” your face (buzzing is the practice of diving toward something and then pulling back and missing at the very last second), and ends with your shoelaces tied together and your wallet stolen, it feels antagonistic, not cute. I could swear they were laughing at me.
Worse still, a significant portion of them have taken to wearing vests. Who is giving these birds vests is a mystery. Some jerk-wizard, no doubt. A jerk-wizard is a wizard who is a jerk. Jerk-wizards are difficult to predict—they enjoy using their magic to mess stuff up. They love chaos. The apocalypse is perfect for them—like the crows, they are thriving. And I presume one of them has become the local crow haberdashery because I’m unwilling to accept that the crows have learned to sew for themselves. That seems too awful somehow.
"MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER", my first 24 hour comic, completed in 19 hours. i’m sorry for the poor quality of the scans, i have no idea what my scanner’s doing and i’m way too tired to figure it out right now, but i wanted to get this posted before i fell asleep. full comic behind the cut.
shit my shoulders bleeding she
really needs her claws trimmed holy fucj
SHE WAS GIVIN ME A KISS & THEN SHE.. nibbled….. thats not
thats not a kis
my ear is a chew toy & my shirt has!!! NEW IMPROEVEMENTS!!!!! HOLES!!!! also chewd in. all in good taste
chef?? fashion designer???? this bird isa ll.
The [rubber band] ball, which was declared the world’s biggest in 2008 by Guinness World Records, has been bought by the Orlando-based Ripley’s Believe It or Not museums, the Associated Press reports.
"We already have the largest string and barbed-wire balls," says Edward Meyer , vice president of the organization, which sent a crane to take it away. "This is now my holy trinity, I guess."